what?

One of my frinds asked me: when was the last time i felt happy, glad and just wanted to scream out-loud "WoooooHoooooo"(i think it sound kinda like that)... I was thinking for... Hmm, i was thinking for long time, and couldn't come up with answer. Well the answer i came up with, did not satisfy either me either the person who asked.

I'm happy person. But...what makes me happy?

"illusion of happines"? - dumb.

pretense? - not true.

self-delusion? - who would think about it?

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

Love? - not existing.

Money? - you are mercantile.

Health? - sure, nobody need sick people.

Knowledge? - don't even go there.

Peace in all world? - so naive.

Friendship? - not eternal...

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

Well I have never been an older brother!!!

I'm not writing alot, but if i write, i write something important for me.

For last 9 month my mum was pregnant and i never really seemed to show that i care or just act like i care, but inside myself i always did. And yestrday my mum had baby, my lil sister. And when i saw here today she was looking really ugly , but at same time so cute! i love her and mum!

Thats all i wanted to write abotu. Please pray for them!

Love u all!

Sergey

Life is turning upside down..

My life is really changing now, and what i can tell, it's changing in better way. Much better then it was before.

After i became Christian, I started to look at things differently. It feels good, when u understand if u actually need to do something or you want to do it. So as for last week i took alot of time and started to learn Bible. Tommy was actually a huge help in that. He explained me alot of stuff and words i didn't understand.

Another thing happened Tommy came. It was really nice for second year to wait for him in airport. It was great to see my bald brother.))

As we came back to Kerch from next day(which is today) we started to do church in Hope Center for international people and me:). Matt and Sarah did really good job and they tried really hard to make regular hall to feel like church. It was awesome to sit there today. Thanx alot for your work.

Then we went to the sea and it was great. We didn't swim but we play Pharting game. I won.)))))

Life Change

I didn't write for a long time here.

Maybe cause i didn't want to or i didn't have time...but now i feel like i want, or even must to tell you something.

This camp was first camp which finally helped me realise alot of things,and mostly it wasn't camp..it was just 2 people... Matt and Kolya.

I really never thought i would write my testimony...ha..life is weird.

I really had something going on inside myself for last weeks. and i really couldn't understand what was it. I was kinda hearing God and at same time i was afraid to go to him. And i just thought that i wasnt ready for it!

During the camp 1 me and Matt  was going to Ward 1 for bedtime stories and really  i wasn't expecting to see any change from that kids. They never really listened to us and just were ignoring all of our words. One evenng before bedtime stires one of the guy's didnt want to go so i just grabed him and started to move him towards the room. He punched me a little and told that i can't do it and just left.

After bedtimestories me and Matt decided to come to him and i told that i was sorry for what i did. and we talked to him a little. At that moment i understood that he cared about stuff we were talking.  From next day all began.

I just figured that that guy could be changed and i wanted to help him. Me and him just sometimes started to talk and i started to tell him, about God no matter that i wasn't Christian and i must say i was telling him really smart stuff. And my word and bedtimestories with Matt made him to deside that his life was empty without God. 

This showed me how God is amazing, but i was afraid to be to fast in that desision. So i just wated. At the morning when all kids were leaving o train station something hapened. When i was walking with Kolya and telling that i afaraid that i'm not ready to accept him he just took my hands and with his powerfull look told me that i'm ready. I just started to cry...couldn't do anything about it. And same evening with Matt i was talking alot about it and then he helped me and leaded me in accepting prayer. And it was really amazing.

See how only two people canchange life. I love u so much Matt and Kolya.

In him

Sergey

Being totally lost...

My life got crazy for last days. Last 5 days was like hell to me. I lost my best friend. I know that it doesnt sound like really serious, but for me it is. I'm totally alone and lost now. I had friendship i guess everyone would dream of. Really. But now i dont. Boom and its gone. I tried to ferget it, not to think of it. I went to club, i was hanging with people from work all the time, even tried to find GF, but it didnt help, i still think about it and everytime i see him online i just want to write hi! how r u?, or have sweet dreams! see ya tomorrow!  but i cant, i'm just not sure if i still can torture myself. i walk spesially near his house everyday so if he goes out i just see him a little but does it sound normal? i have grey hair again..is it normal for 18 years old to have grey hair second time in few month? is it normal fo teenager not to sleep or eat because i'm just not feeling like even thinking about food. I dont know what will be next crash in my life! I always ruin something! First my american bro who thinks that i'm too emotional to everything and i dont feel like he really want to talk to me, then my best frind who thinks that i'm liar, my other frinds who thinks that i'm gay because of my style of clothing, my relationship with mumm which is always have problems, everythink i touch is ruined... what sence of doing it again. I'm probably just need to close myself in and live in my own world... sad but true. I need to be loner so i cant hurt anyone. I dont have other choise. It will be hard for me, really hard. But iguess i have no other choise!

Loosing connection...

I feel like I'm loosing my connection with the people I love. It may be odd, but i feel that. It's just like it was always important to me to spend all my time with, breathe with them, hang out with them. I can't tell that i start to fell that i'm not welcome. Even now i can tell that spend time strat to be more interesting... but i feel gap which i can't explain...that kinda make me feel not comfortable:( maybe i just overreacting...maybe not.

Well....

I din't really had chance to update my BLOG...

I really dont know why beacuse i have time at home to do it. I was thinking that maybe it was because i mostly update blog when i have some problems or questions to myself so later when i would look at it i would think that that wasn't reall problems...i don't know if it is actuall reason...but anyway...

My life start to get normall after i got here in Kerch back!

I found new job and now i work as server in one of the best places in Kerch  bar INKI! Mexican food in Kerch..doesn't it sounds amazing? Ha? People from stuff are really nice to me..and clients are really good people for example i had order today for 2000 grivna and half of it was price of 1 liter bottle of vodca..they got little drunk and gave me really HUGE tips! I was happy!

Then i still halp in Hope Center with after school programme which i really like! And this monday i will translate some seminar for all the stuff. So yeah i'm still trying to do my best in Hope Center. 

And of course i have really good time with my part of family - Gaw's. We are hanging together and playing cards, watch football, have dinner and talking. I really can't even tell you all how i'm thankfull to them. Really they helped me alot to become a better person. They tell what i'm not right in and what i need to do differently. You know weirdly i never even believed in myself as they do. I guess tahts what family for!  And lately we went to picnic which they promised me while they were in Belarus, so it was nice to do that! 

So life is AWESOME!

Love you all!

3 problems

yes i do! my last days was worst days ever happen to me! I was in hospital examining my body for cancer( i was told in Kerch i have it) and i had exams to univ and the worst thing i was alone with all of it....

I was keeping a secret about my kinda cancer problem, but from last days i discovered that not alot people cares, so i don't care if everyone knows.

I had my exams to univ yesterday, which i failed. I was not thinking about univ that day, cause i got envelop with cancer results. I got chanse to redo my exam and i did it today, i was the only of 30 studets to get in.. sad thing it doesnt even make me happy.

well about third problem, i was just alone. Noone i need was here or at least near... how would u feel to have result of ur cancer in ur hands and open it alone without noone around... i was scared to hell...i'm still

yes i didnt open em...and as i write it now don't know if i will but....

...lately I've been thinking...

I guess last week was the hardest in my life. Not even week just last 4 days. 

-What do people do when they find out they have one of most serious desies? 

-What do they feel when they are alone with this news?

-How to tell about it to your family and friends?

-What to do with this sickness?

-How not to feel misery?

-How would people behave when they would know?

-Would tehy treat you like sick person?

I never knew answers to those questions...never did...but now i do. I do because i have same situation. 

-Was it good to find out about it? 

-Should i sue ukranian medicine for bad and old maschines thet might lie? 

-Should i just kill myself and make everybodys life easier? 

-Should i go get drunk? 

But it won't help....

OR SHOULD I TRUST HIM?

Telling the truth, lately i wasn't that good christian. I quit smoking...yes it's good..but when i feel weak i start to do that again. Yes i quit drinking... but i still can start do it easily. Ones when i was on my first year of working in Hope Center. Atnight we were talking with Graham Michel, and he told me just ask HIM to come to your heart. I was small and i really needed some proof...so instead of that i asked him to show me sing that he is more than me.. that he is reall. After that for 4 year i was kinda christian...why kinda, probably because i pretended to be one. I want to be reall christian, bust something in my heart did not let God to come in. 

So know i got proof that I'm not perfect... that I'm weak. And all i need now is to believe and be patient. 

It was good lesson...

definition of the best trip ever....

Yes... i just had awesome trip. I'm happy that i had chance to go to Kiev, and more than that with one of the closest people Matt.

From beginning Andrey Shpigunov was supposed to go to Kiev with Matt, but as figured he was really busy, so i was asked and after less then second thinking i agreed...

Train was kinda fun. We were playing Phase 10(as usually) and walking in Djankoy and drinking kvas. 23 hours ran really fast! When we got to Kiev, magical computer told us that there no sits for train that day... So we figured that we can easily plan 2 days in Kiev.


When we got to kinda church-hotel where we stayed almost for free we changed our clothes to official one's and went to Belorussia Embassy which reminded me of market with sunflower seeds. We just payed and got our visa easely. So most important goal of trip were done! After we met my old school frind and were having i guess the most expensive fast food lunch ever! For almost nothing we paid 130 grn! Anyway after we changed back to nrmal clothes and went for football game of 2 best teams in Ukraine (Dinamo Kiev - Metalist Kharkov). The game was really great, but we were siting in Dinamo Fans area, no matter that i cheer for Metalist. Anyway we enjoyed the game and went to have great night.


After great night i was ready for a run...defenetely Matt wasn't so he stayed. It was nice and warm outside, so after we got ready we went to walk through Kiev... we visited several places and had good lunch, went to my univ and got sunglasses. The day was already freat, but in the evening we got chance to see our great frind Ira(one of interpreters in camp)and it was best end of our trip...

But...we had one more adventure - traveling back to Kerch. In the evening our cab was full with people, but by the morning we got rid of them and it became like small guys kingdom! We weren't afraid to pfart there, cause we knew we won't afend anyone with that, and we were playing phase 10 and pilow fight. It was really good time in train....

Ok we finally got to Kerch and i guess it was one of the best trip for lat year...

The Most Important People In My Life...

You know few days ago i was sitting and thinking about what would happen if I won'g go to work as interpreter to Hope Center in summer 2006.

First i would not know English as i do now.

I probably would not have all the friends from different countries.

I would not know God, and people who changed my life. People i respect and love. About them i will write today...

Jim and Shari Hunt

During my first year of working in Hope Center, one really lovely couple of Americans stayed in Kerch for all year. It was Jim and Shari. Right after the camps were done, i started to come to Hope Center to visit my merican frinds. Almost from beginning we became really close with them. They were really hospitable with me and they always had Coke for me( i love coke). They were the first people who really explained me who God is, and after we had bible classes on book of John. They became like Gandparets to me, and even after they left to USA i feel there love inside my heart. I love you both aot.

Tommy Coppers

Tommy is one of those people with whom everybody can find something to talk about. That is what i did in one of the evenings, or better say nights in Hope Center when he came here with Azusa Pacific Team.
We were talking about life, and really he was the first person i told all my deepest secrets, because i felt that i can trust him. He was only 20 by that moment, but his wisdom and knowledge were amazing. From that moment i found my brother, who support me till this moment.
After the team left i really thought that i would never see them again, but in one year Tommy told that he would come At that time i almost finished my first year of education. He came and kinda turned my life in different way: he was telling me about bible, explained to me a lot of stuff, thanx to him i quit smoking and drinking. He really helped me to become a better person.
Now i really feel like i have my older brother, who can teach me, explain to me and just be my friend. I really love ya man! Thanks for everything!

The Gaw's

It would be probaly so hard to write all the help this family gave me, all love they showed me. Everything started really awekward. Me and Yana(my ex-friend) came to camp with Anya(interpreter). She told that there is new american family came. We thought that we should got to know them better or at least just see them for first time. When we came Me and Yana were eally afraid to come and tell hi to Matt who was working with he trees by that moment. But them we just figured that we have nothing to loose and i guess we did right choise. That day found my new part of family. During the year and a half that i know them, they hekped me with alot of stuff. The gave me advises in diffficult situations, they saved me from my deppression, they were just that friends that i have been searching all my life. And now i'm writing this blog in there house, there computer and feel that it's right to be here. Thanx guys for everything! I really love you all.

Well i guess thats it, this people helped me to be as I'm now.

So isn't i'm cute))

It was good choice....

So i'm in Simpferopol now siting in inet cafe and feeling really happy that i moved to Kerch. Few days ago i figured that i can enter Univ this year and to the one i wanted. So i feel really exited. I will be movie and Tv director! So awesome! So if you are my friend please be happy for me!

Love u all!

For the people i love and miss...

This post will be about my dream that wont come true this summer. About USA, or actually about the people i dreamed to see: Serious but funny Megan, insane Chris, loving Michael and Ryan, crazy Tyler, Oduvanchik and Chris Little, talented Web and James, most amazing girls ever Charisse, Sarah, Laurissa, Mary, Mariah.




Last year i was living with a hope to see the i care about a lot. DC team, Camp 4 or part of my family. Lat summer they really showed me a lot of fun,taught me a lot of things and i really had amazing time with them.



By the time they were supposed to come i knew almost everyone(except Tyler and Nick), and waiting for this team was so hard... i counted everyday and finally they came. I don't know why but i was dressed like I'm just got out of house for mentally retarded people. And when i saw them coming out of plain it was something i even can't describe.




To tell the truth i really didn't think i would be able to work as interpreter in camp 4 because my brother was leaving and i went with him to be the last Ukrainian to tell him bye. After i came back crazy times began.



Me and Yana( other interpreter) ate all Megan's Nuttela and peanut butter. We ate all of snack the brought with them self and you know as for me i feel kinda shame when i ask people i know not long time for food, but with them it was different. I felt like my family came. and it was awesome feeling. I would never forget Web's song, or how he was "playing" on gutar! It was really awesome. Or going naked to the see at night with Tyler and Oduvanchik. Playing Go Fish with girls. Evening discos and actuall really disco with team(i steel feel bad about what i did there, sorry) and the carnival. I guess this is that kind of emotions that would never be forgotten. Thank you guess for that.




Another surprise was that i was the one who is going to Yalta with the team after the camp. OMG it was one the best trips too. Being with the team outside the camp ids really different. We were hanging in Simferopol and Yalta! It was just really nice to be there and got chance to know people you love better.




My heart is really broken now as i know that i wont see most of the team this year. But my favorite Sobaka and Sarachka will come here, and you know somehow it makes me feel like they will bring love of all the team and show it to kids...



I'm really happy God got us together in Ukraine and I'm really happy for everyone of you. I wish that next year for you would be the best ever and especially I'm happy for Megan and Chris! U would be the best parents ever.

Changing in my life...

Last monthwas really hard for me. A lot of stuff I dreamed of diapered.


My trip to USA was canceled because of my stupidity and that i i owed all my money, knowing that i would need them( I didn't have enough money to pay at the moment and it was it.... I dreamed about it for last 3 years and now i don't even know if i will have chance to go there....














- My granny (my fathers mum) sucks and as i figured for last 2 years the goal of her life is to give troubles to people... it's sad but true... she ruined life of her son, daughter, daughter in law and mine... I really couldn't stay with her anymore.















-My mum's situation with her boyfriend and her pregnancy... well i'm happy that i will have brother...but hooking up with bosses husband and then breaking up with him is kinda really sad... and i'm really nervous because she is pregnant!!

So all this made me to change something and find that "medication" that would help me. As i figured this medication was Gaw family. First Matt and Jenya came to Kharkov from where we headed to Shahtar game and on the way back we took all my stuff and i moved to kerch, where i'm living for 2 weeks now. Everyday i spend with this family and help in camp and really i feel so happy now. Thank you alot...i guess i tell them this everyday...but for me it's huge...really

So i'll put some update on Hope Center life soon too..

Well i finally did it..

This is my blog. I would do it like kinda journal. Hope you would like it.