Thursday, September 17, 2009


One of my frinds asked me: when was the last time i felt happy, glad and just wanted to scream out-loud "WoooooHoooooo"(i think it sound kinda like that)... I was thinking for... Hmm, i was thinking for long time, and couldn't come up with answer. Well the answer i came up with, did not satisfy either me either the person who asked.
I'm happy person. But...what makes me happy?
"illusion of happines"? - dumb.
pretense? - not true.
self-delusion? - who would think about it?
Love? - not existing.
Money? - you are mercantile.
Health? - sure, nobody need sick people.
Knowledge? - don't even go there.
Peace in all world? - so naive.
Friendship? - not eternal...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Well I have never been an older brother!!!

I'm not writing alot, but if i write, i write something important for me.

For last 9 month my mum was pregnant and i never really seemed to show that i care or just act like i care, but inside myself i always did. And yestrday my mum had baby, my lil sister. And when i saw here today she was looking really ugly , but at same time so cute! i love her and mum!

Thats all i wanted to write abotu. Please pray for them!

Love u all!


Sunday, June 28, 2009

Life is turning upside down..

My life is really changing now, and what i can tell, it's changing in better way. Much better then it was before.

After i became Christian, I started to look at things differently. It feels good, when u understand if u actually need to do something or you want to do it. So as for last week i took alot of time and started to learn Bible. Tommy was actually a huge help in that. He explained me alot of stuff and words i didn't understand.

Another thing happened Tommy came. It was really nice for second year to wait for him in airport. It was great to see my bald brother.))

As we came back to Kerch from next day(which is today) we started to do church in Hope Center for international people and me:). Matt and Sarah did really good job and they tried really hard to make regular hall to feel like church. It was awesome to sit there today. Thanx alot for your work.

Then we went to the sea and it was great. We didn't swim but we play Pharting game. I won.)))))

Monday, June 22, 2009

Life Change

I didn't write for a long time here.

Maybe cause i didn't want to or i didn't have time...but now i feel like i want, or even must to tell you something.

This camp was first camp which finally helped me realise alot of things,and mostly it wasn't was just 2 people... Matt and Kolya.

I really never thought i would write my is weird.

I really had something going on inside myself for last weeks. and i really couldn't understand what was it. I was kinda hearing God and at same time i was afraid to go to him. And i just thought that i wasnt ready for it!
During the camp 1 me and Matt  was going to Ward 1 for bedtime stories and really  i wasn't expecting to see any change from that kids. They never really listened to us and just were ignoring all of our words. One evenng before bedtime stires one of the guy's didnt want to go so i just grabed him and started to move him towards the room. He punched me a little and told that i can't do it and just left.

After bedtimestories me and Matt decided to come to him and i told that i was sorry for what i did. and we talked to him a little. At that moment i understood that he cared about stuff we were talking.  From next day all began.

I just figured that that guy could be changed and i wanted to help him. Me and him just sometimes started to talk and i started to tell him, about God no matter that i wasn't Christian and i must say i was telling him really smart stuff. And my word and bedtimestories with Matt made him to deside that his life was empty without God. 

This showed me how God is amazing, but i was afraid to be to fast in that desision. So i just wated. At the morning when all kids were leaving o train station something hapened. When i was walking with Kolya and telling that i afaraid that i'm not ready to accept him he just took my hands and with his powerfull look told me that i'm ready. I just started to cry...couldn't do anything about it. And same evening with Matt i was talking alot about it and then he helped me and leaded me in accepting prayer. And it was really amazing.

See how only two people canchange life. I love u so much Matt and Kolya.

In him

Monday, April 20, 2009

Being totally lost...

My life got crazy for last days. Last 5 days was like hell to me. I lost my best friend. I know that it doesnt sound like really serious, but for me it is. I'm totally alone and lost now. I had friendship i guess everyone would dream of. Really. But now i dont. Boom and its gone. I tried to ferget it, not to think of it. I went to club, i was hanging with people from work all the time, even tried to find GF, but it didnt help, i still think about it and everytime i see him online i just want to write hi! how r u?, or have sweet dreams! see ya tomorrow!  but i cant, i'm just not sure if i still can torture myself. i walk spesially near his house everyday so if he goes out i just see him a little but does it sound normal? i have grey hair it normal for 18 years old to have grey hair second time in few month? is it normal fo teenager not to sleep or eat because i'm just not feeling like even thinking about food. I dont know what will be next crash in my life! I always ruin something! First my american bro who thinks that i'm too emotional to everything and i dont feel like he really want to talk to me, then my best frind who thinks that i'm liar, my other frinds who thinks that i'm gay because of my style of clothing, my relationship with mumm which is always have problems, everythink i touch is ruined... what sence of doing it again. I'm probably just need to close myself in and live in my own world... sad but true. I need to be loner so i cant hurt anyone. I dont have other choise. It will be hard for me, really hard. But iguess i have no other choise!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Loosing connection...

I feel like I'm loosing my connection with the people I love. It may be odd, but i feel that. It's just like it was always important to me to spend all my time with, breathe with them, hang out with them. I can't tell that i start to fell that i'm not welcome. Even now i can tell that spend time strat to be more interesting... but i feel gap which i can't explain...that kinda make me feel not comfortable:( maybe i just overreacting...maybe not.

Friday, April 10, 2009


I din't really had chance to update my BLOG...

I really dont know why beacuse i have time at home to do it. I was thinking that maybe it was because i mostly update blog when i have some problems or questions to myself so later when i would look at it i would think that that wasn't reall problems...i don't know if it is actuall reason...but anyway...

My life start to get normall after i got here in Kerch back!

I found new job and now i work as server in one of the best places in Kerch  bar INKI! Mexican food in Kerch..doesn't it sounds amazing? Ha? People from stuff are really nice to me..and clients are really good people for example i had order today for 2000 grivna and half of it was price of 1 liter bottle of vodca..they got little drunk and gave me really HUGE tips! I was happy!

Then i still halp in Hope Center with after school programme which i really like! And this monday i will translate some seminar for all the stuff. So yeah i'm still trying to do my best in Hope Center. 

And of course i have really good time with my part of family - Gaw's. We are hanging together and playing cards, watch football, have dinner and talking. I really can't even tell you all how i'm thankfull to them. Really they helped me alot to become a better person. They tell what i'm not right in and what i need to do differently. You know weirdly i never even believed in myself as they do. I guess tahts what family for!  And lately we went to picnic which they promised me while they were in Belarus, so it was nice to do that! 

So life is AWESOME!

Love you all!