Being totally lost...

My life got crazy for last days. Last 5 days was like hell to me. I lost my best friend. I know that it doesnt sound like really serious, but for me it is. I'm totally alone and lost now. I had friendship i guess everyone would dream of. Really. But now i dont. Boom and its gone. I tried to ferget it, not to think of it. I went to club, i was hanging with people from work all the time, even tried to find GF, but it didnt help, i still think about it and everytime i see him online i just want to write hi! how r u?, or have sweet dreams! see ya tomorrow!  but i cant, i'm just not sure if i still can torture myself. i walk spesially near his house everyday so if he goes out i just see him a little but does it sound normal? i have grey hair again..is it normal for 18 years old to have grey hair second time in few month? is it normal fo teenager not to sleep or eat because i'm just not feeling like even thinking about food. I dont know what will be next crash in my life! I always ruin something! First my american bro who thinks that i'm too emotional to everything and i dont feel like he really want to talk to me, then my best frind who thinks that i'm liar, my other frinds who thinks that i'm gay because of my style of clothing, my relationship with mumm which is always have problems, everythink i touch is ruined... what sence of doing it again. I'm probably just need to close myself in and live in my own world... sad but true. I need to be loner so i cant hurt anyone. I dont have other choise. It will be hard for me, really hard. But iguess i have no other choise!

Loosing connection...

I feel like I'm loosing my connection with the people I love. It may be odd, but i feel that. It's just like it was always important to me to spend all my time with, breathe with them, hang out with them. I can't tell that i start to fell that i'm not welcome. Even now i can tell that spend time strat to be more interesting... but i feel gap which i can't explain...that kinda make me feel not comfortable:( maybe i just overreacting...maybe not.

Well....

I din't really had chance to update my BLOG...

I really dont know why beacuse i have time at home to do it. I was thinking that maybe it was because i mostly update blog when i have some problems or questions to myself so later when i would look at it i would think that that wasn't reall problems...i don't know if it is actuall reason...but anyway...

My life start to get normall after i got here in Kerch back!

I found new job and now i work as server in one of the best places in Kerch  bar INKI! Mexican food in Kerch..doesn't it sounds amazing? Ha? People from stuff are really nice to me..and clients are really good people for example i had order today for 2000 grivna and half of it was price of 1 liter bottle of vodca..they got little drunk and gave me really HUGE tips! I was happy!

Then i still halp in Hope Center with after school programme which i really like! And this monday i will translate some seminar for all the stuff. So yeah i'm still trying to do my best in Hope Center. 

And of course i have really good time with my part of family - Gaw's. We are hanging together and playing cards, watch football, have dinner and talking. I really can't even tell you all how i'm thankfull to them. Really they helped me alot to become a better person. They tell what i'm not right in and what i need to do differently. You know weirdly i never even believed in myself as they do. I guess tahts what family for!  And lately we went to picnic which they promised me while they were in Belarus, so it was nice to do that! 

So life is AWESOME!

Love you all!